Trash Lady is My Enemy

I am at WAR with my office trash lady. She is going to kill me!

Understand: I do good job and make my office very clean. Last weekend I make clean and this means throwing things away. I am teacher man with lots and lots of paper. In old job there were paper disposals in hallway, fine, I use them. In this job no paper disposals only recycling bin very far away.

And in old job I always work late. I always work late. And the trash takers would come every night and say hello and take the trash away. I liked to think seeing me work hard consoled them. Because not everyone works hard and has nice job. My relationship with the trash takers used to be a source of moral warmth, you see? I used to pat myself on back and say nice things.

Now… the trash lady doesn’t like me throwing away paper.

I do not believe in bending over backwards when it will do no good. Is that OKAY with you? I see you judging me already “don’t throw away that paper!” You’re like my sister who judges me for using Amazon to buy things. I know amazon is bad. But will it help if I break myself by wasting time and money that other people aren’t going to use? I am AGAINST every morality that only works if everyone does stupid piddling time wasting things every day, because that morality will never work and it only makes a bunch of fools. If recycling is reasonably easy, fine, I will do it why not. But have you seen that freak who TED-teaches you how not to use paper towels in the bathroom? Excessive piddly bull-crap to do what a civilized person must do. Smart hygiene, you know… some people now think it is bad to use paper towels and goodness knows what they do in the bathroom. They probably ask forgiveness for use of toilet paper but they wish it gone I know it.

But this lady, she takes all my paper out of my trash bin one day. It was a big stack, and she plops it on my desk so when I come in expecting spotless office big stack of paper is sitting on desk. And she is only lady besides nice office girl who has keys to my office. Well, her and all the security people probably. Probably lots of people have keys to my office. Beside the point. Now I know this lady has keys and antipathy and that is the point. Should I start locking my computer? Should I place secret attack notes for her to find and scare her? “I’m behind the door!!!” “I am under desk!!”

I adopted strategy. I begin to take stack down one bit at a time. She will throw it all away bit by bit and her conscience will be OK because she hasn’t thrown Big Stack away. Trick was: how not to get her to notice diminishing stack. So I put it in a desk drawer. Very sneaky.

This works … for 2 days! Then she finds the stack and is back at it. Like I said, I am at War with evil imposing moral fiend.

I am going to begin to put stack on floor, right in the middle. Or should I take the trash can away from her entirely? I like that idea. “No trash for you trash lady! I take your trash and your reason for living. I don’t need trash lady!” That might break her spirit.

“Please bring trash can back. University property.” She will say that, I know. She is cunning.

Maybe I take trashbag only. That will be something.

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